Caffeine Act For Fortunate Everyday Individuals In Need Of Energy (C.A.F.F.E.I.N.E)

 

The purpose of this bill is to provide every single person listed on the Minnesota population census with one Monster

Energy Zero Ultra, also known as a “White Monster”. This is so the citizens of Minnesota can have the pick up they need

in order to be productive.

In today's society the cost of living has skyrocketed. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics in the Minneapolis

area alone “prices were up 0.7 percent over the past two months, up 1.8 percent from a year ago”. This was just from

this year, this trend has continued since the 2010’s and shows no signs of slowing down. The increased cost of living is

causing stress for millions of people throughout Minnesota. With all these day to day stresses affecting citizens what

is one way we can alleviate at least some of their stresses? By giving them a nice cold Monster Energy.

This will give our citizens a boost they need in order to stay positive and be productive. On the top of productivity,

by giving citizens a White Monster we will see an uptick of economic activity due to more work being done. Estimates

range from at least 1% to maybe more than 1%. This shows by doing this program we will help make our citizens and

constituents have a better time dealing with the problems of today.

In order to complete and fulfill our goals outlined in this bill, Minnesota will implement the M.O.N.S.T.E.R plan.

(All funding and money required for the M.O.N.S.T.E.R plan is listed in Section 5 funding for anyone curious about the

funding and revenue needed for this program.)

Minnesota’s Operation Necessary So There is Enough Required

(M.O.N.S.T.E.R)

Step 1:

Acquire Monster from Monster Beverage

Purchase

Step 2:

Using hired semi trucks, transport to warehouses in Minnesota

Transport

Step 3:

Sell Advertisements on cans to companies to fund initiative.

Market

Step 4:

Deliver monster to every citizen who’s address is listed

Deliver

Step 5:

Remaining Monsters not dropped off will be for the homeless whose addresses don't exist.

Complete

 

The Justification for this bill is fairly simple, we must help our citizens. It is our duty as a government to provide

for the people who elected us to our positions. We have a duty to serve, and the way we will do that is by giving people

what they desire. Relief from their stress, which is a cold White Monster. It is morally right to approve this measure

in order to help our citizens. It would be wrong to not want to help our citizens

 

White Monster: White colored monster energy drink

M.O.N.S.T.E.R: (Minnesota’s Operation Necessary So There is Enough Required.) The states plan for transporting and

distributing the monster

Monster Beverage: Monster Energy producer

M.D.F: (Monster Distribution Fund) Funds just for distributing the monster

Bureau of Labour Statistics: Federal government website for job information and statistics.

C.A.F.F.E.I.N.E: Caffeine Act For Fortunate Everyday Individuals in Need of Energy

 

We can determine the rough cost of purchasing 5,793,000 White Monsters on top of the transportation costs by doing the

following math:

Cost for the monsters:

1 can 12 oz =$2.50

5,793,000 x 2.50=14,482,500

24 pack 12 oz=$45.00

$1.875 per can

5,793,000/24=241,375

241,375 x 45=10,861,875

Total:

$10,861,875

The estimated total weight for 5,793,000 filled 12oz Monster cans, organized into retail 24-packs, is approximately

4,900,060 pounds.

Weight:

355g+14.5g=369.5g per can

5,793,000 x 369.5g=2,140,513,500 g

Can weight:

2,140,513,500/453.592=4,719,028.334 Ibs

Packaging weight:

5,793,000/24=241,375 packs

241,375 x 0.75=181,031 Ibs

Total:

4,719,028.334 + 181,031=4,900,059.334 Ibs

Area:

96 x 8 =768

241,375/768=314.29 pallets

315 x 13.33=4,198.95 square feet

Trucks needed weight:

4,912,660/42,000 =116.968

315/26 =12.115

Trucks needed= 117 semi trucks

Cost:

117 x 2,000 x 2.25= $526,500ish

Expenses:

White Monster

$10,861,875

Transportation

$526,500

Storage

$716,000

Other + Staff

$768,595

Total:

$12,872,970

How do we fund such expenses? Putting ads on each can. If we place 4, 50 cent ads, and 1, 25 cent ads. This will result

in roughly $2.25 raised for each can, which costs $1.875 each. This comes to a roughly $0.37 profit for each can.

0.37 x 5,793,000 =$2,143,410 profit

Since the white monster cost is covered the other expenses should be covered by the remaining profits

Income:

$13,034,250

Expenses:

White Monster

$10,861,875

Transportation

$526,500

Storage

$716,000

Other + Staff

$768,595

Total:

$12,872,970

Net Profit:

$161,280

 

As you can see above, after all the expenses and income were calculated. Then added together we have found that we will

end up with $161,280 surplus money. This means we will actually make more money from this program than we put in.

Meaning this is a win for the people of Minnesota.

If the required amount of money needed to complete this program is not acquired through the allotted plan to use

advertisements, then the secondary plan for funding will be to relocate the required amount of money needed to complete

the program from the Fridley High School budget.

The $2,143,410 that is slated to be used for transportation, storage, and other expenses is an estimated budget that may

or may not be 100% utilized. It is for that reason why it will be placed into the M.D.F (Monster Distribution Fund)

which will be controlled and managed by Senator Robert Hill. Once the initiative is completed Senator Robert Hill will

supervise the transportation of the funds to other government programs or charities following the next budgetary

meeting.

If a tertiary method of funding is required then a special committee will be called to discuss funding. This can be

scheduled by the senate on whatever date is deemed appropriate. On a similar note if the GDP of Minnesota grows by one

point two four percent or more in one year then two point eight four million dollars will be deposited into the M.D.F.

Which will remain under Senator Robert Hill's jurisdiction until his leave of office. This includes all funds within the

M.D.F, where said funds go, and how they are used. This is to ensure that the fund never runs out of money in case this

program is continued in the future. In the event of Senator Hill leaving office the M.D.F will be closed on the exact

date of February thirty first of that calendar year, with Senator Hill as the last and final controller. Unless Senator

Hill says otherwise in a written document, if that happens then this previous clause will be void. The committee called

for finding tertiary funding will be tasked with finding a new way to fund the CAFFEINE act. If funding is not found the

committee will continue until funding is found.

If any inquiries regarding the M.D.F are needed then a special committee will need to be convened headed by Senator

Robert Hill in order to change anything about the M.D.F. This is to ensure any problems are fixed swiftly and quickly.

The advertisements will be “2.0 x 1.5 x” inches for the 4, 50 cent ads, and “1.0 x 1.0” inches for the 25 cent ad. This

is so the companies or individuals paying for the ads know exactly what the requirements are for their ads. This will

help reduce future confusion that may arise regarding the ads.

 

There is no need for penalties or enforcement for this bill. This is because there is no new laws or need for any law

enforcement to change their current enforcement. Therefore there is no enforcement required besides the distribution.

 

August 21st, 2026. 8/21/26